How to Hold a Conversation

Conversing in a constructive, educational, manner is apparently not a common skill. I find that many people just don’t know how to do it.

Years ago, while Nancy and I were in the Navy, we had the opportunity to attend several social events held among the Navy’s officer corps. We saw there, first hand, how the art of conversation should be an experience in education and how conversation should stimulate interest—also, we learned how good conversation can be entertaining.

Here’s how good conversation is done: At those old-fashioned Navy social meetings, one would be approached by people with a smile on their faces and their eyes making good contact. A hand shake or a pat on the back was a starter. The encountered person would then gently begin probing around to find some area of common interest. Soon, finding that touch point, the conversation would begin. Points of common interest would deliberately begin; and the participants would concentrate on LISTENING carefully to the words of one another. The conversants would not drift off the subject by allowing the eyes to rove over other people or things in the room—no looking out the window. The people involved in the conversation would often repeat something the other would say, thereby indicating that words were being heard and understood. The conversation would gradually be guided into areas of real interest, trivia and insignificant subjects were not often dwelt upon. Listening would always seem more important than talking. An effective skill in conversation was learning and demonstrating mental retention of one another’s name. Repeating that new name indicated that the other person was taking gleaned information seriously. Learning names is a skill that should be cultivated. 

I am told that former President John F. Kennedy was a master of useful and interesting conversation. He would look carefully for new and interesting information in almost everyone with whom he came into contact. He seemed to be able to learn something from every person with whom he was talking. There was no time wasted in a conversation with President Kennedy!

Last evening, Nancy and I watched a long segment of a press conference with President Trump. Let there be no question about this: I am very happy with most of the things the Trump administration had done; but I am not pleased with the President’s demeanor in conversation. Although he can be friendly and amusing at times, his concern for the people with whom he is supposedly conversing leaves a lot to be desired. He interrupts their words, and he persists in speaking in a very proud way about the wonderful things he has done. There is no give and take in President Trumps conversation. He apparently learns nothing from the ideas of his contact people. I would hate to work for him. His conversation is all about him; nobody else seems to count.

All that being said, I want to point out that trivial subjects in conversation are often useful in order to establish rapport with the other person in a conversation. However, whenever possible, trivia should be minimized, and the conversation turned to more salient matters. A conversation should be guided into subjects that cause one to remember the content.

My wish for you is for you to have many happy and useful conversations! Seek information; remember names; and, above all, LISTEN!