Saturday, October 15, 2016

To Marry or Not to Marry

In our recent 59th annual high school reunion, Nancy and I heard a recurring anxiety among our friends: Those old friends of ours have made a common observation about their grandchildren. Young adults, who are in what has been called the millennial generation (18-31 years of age), are not marrying. They seem cut off from traditional social and spiritual values. They live to actualize their lives without any external guide posts to tell them what is right and what is wrong. They do not volunteer, go to church, pray, or vote, for the most part. (From Souls In Transition by Christian Smith)

The Pew Research Center reported in 2012 that 36% of millennials were still living at home with their parents. The explanation of this revolves around three factors: 1) Only 63% of these young adults were employed in 2012. This figure has decreased from 70% in 2007. 2) In the younger part of this cohort, many are still in college and live at home as a way to afford higher education. 3) The marriage rate is declining; only 25% of people in this age cohort are married. This figure is down from 30% in 2007.

Emerging adults live in a world that believes in individual autonomy, unbounded tolerance, freedom from authorities, the affirmation of pluralism, the centrality of human self-consciousness, a skeptical view of the advantages of human knowledge, and an instinctive aversion to anything “dogmatic” or committed to particular moral beliefs. These values do not build strong organizations or constructive families with children. It must be allowed that these young people emerging into adulthood are often tolerant of those who believe in the practical value of moral religion; but they are loath to adopt those values as having any transcendent qualities.

These manifest values have been adopted in the culture largely from modern-day Protestantism. The main line Protestant churches are experiencing falling attendance; but their philosophies are firmly established in the modern culture. For this reason, emerging adults see no reason to go to church to learn more about these attitudes. Truth and reality are considered unreal facts in the world of emerging adults. One thing that hampers them from adopting constructive attitudes is the slavish obsession imposed on them by the culture encouraging them to establish private material comfort and personal possessions—this seems to be primary driving force in the motivation of the millennial generation.

This generation seems well on its way of becoming the most educated generation in history.19% of young adults between 18 and 31 years of age have college degrees. In the next generation before them, i.e., those between the ages of 32 and 54 years of age (Gen X, or those children of the baby boomers), has earned college degrees 35% of the time. But, unfortunately, many of the millennials seem to prefer to participate in the drug or “hook-up” culture. (Incidentally, “hook-up” is a term that may indicate a wide variety of relationships—anything from casual conversations to sexual intercourse.) Devotion to this hedonistic way of life interferes with the establishment of marriage and family.

Getting back to my original point, the average age for marriage has increased since 1990. At this time the average female marries at age 27; and the average male marries at age 29. In 1990, women married at 23 and men at 26. This trend portends unfavorable things for families. As a physician, I have learned that the best age for a first pregnancy is in the early 20’s—there are far fewer complications of pregnancy when babies are born to women in that age bracket.

Marriage in the early 20’s makes for more happiness. According to the National Marriage Project’s 2013 “Knot Yet” report, the highest percentage of people ages 20 to 28 who consider themselves “highly satisfied” with their lives are married, as opposed to single or cohabiting. What’s more, the largest number of women who described their marriage as “very happy” tied the knot when they were 24 to 26. A 2010 study found that “the greatest indicated likelihood of being in an intact marriage of the highest quality is among those who married at ages 22–25.”

An analysis of American Community Survey data from 2008 to 2010 revealed that among men in their mid-30s, those who married in their 20s had the highest levels of personal income. Economists have found, in general, that married men earn more than single men — even when you control for other factors like age and education.

Couples who marry in their 20s tend to have more frequent sex than those who marry later. In a 2011 paper, Dana Rotz of Harvard University wrote that “a four year increase in age at marriage is associated with a couple having sex about one time less per month.” What’s more, married people as a whole have more sex than their single counterparts. The sooner you marry, the more time you’ll be spending between the sheets.

A 2012 study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that married and engaged young adults reported lower frequency of drunkenness than those who are not in a serious romantic relationship. “Marriage and engagement likely carry with them a heightened sense of responsibility and obligation and a less active social calendar, which leads to less drunkenness,” the study’s authors wrote. Laying off alcohol has many health benefits, including weight loss, better sleep, better skin and a reduced risk of some cancers.

There is nothing to be gained from waiting a long time before marrying. Research says there’s no advantage to delaying marriage just for the sake of delaying it. A 2010 study by sociologists Norval Glenn and Jeremy Uecker states that “A 25-year-old person who meets an excellent marriage prospect would be ill-advised to pass up that opportunity only because he/she feels not yet at the ideal age for marriage. Furthermore, delaying marriage beyond the mid-twenties will lead to the loss during a portion of young adulthood of any emotional and health beneļ¬ts that a good marriage would bring.”

One thing I have learned about parenting and family building is that the best parents begin that journey in their early 20’s. Waiting until later for marriage does not help one’s adaptation to child raising.

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