Conversing in a constructive, educational, manner is apparently not a common skill. I find that many people just don’t know how to do it.
Years
ago, while Nancy and I were in the Navy, we had the opportunity to attend
several social events held among the Navy’s officer corps. We saw there, first
hand, how the art of conversation should be an experience in education and how
conversation should stimulate interest—also, we learned how good conversation
can be entertaining.
Here’s
how good conversation is done: At those old-fashioned Navy social meetings, one
would be approached by people with a smile on their faces and their eyes making
good contact. A hand shake or a pat on the back was a starter. The encountered
person would then gently begin probing around to find some area of common
interest. Soon, finding that touch point, the conversation would begin. Points
of common interest would deliberately begin; and the participants would
concentrate on LISTENING carefully to the words of one another. The conversants
would not drift off the subject by allowing the eyes to rove over other people
or things in the room—no looking out the window. The people involved in the
conversation would often repeat something the other would say, thereby
indicating that words were being heard and understood. The conversation would
gradually be guided into areas of real interest, trivia and insignificant
subjects were not often dwelt upon. Listening would always seem more important
than talking. An effective skill in conversation was learning and demonstrating
mental retention of one another’s name. Repeating that new name indicated that
the other person was taking gleaned information seriously. Learning names is a
skill that should be cultivated.
I am
told that former President John F. Kennedy was a master of useful and
interesting conversation. He would look carefully for new and interesting
information in almost everyone with whom he came into contact. He seemed to be
able to learn something from every person with whom he was talking. There was
no time wasted in a conversation with President Kennedy!
Last
evening, Nancy and I watched a long segment of a press conference with
President Trump. Let there be no question about this: I am very happy with most
of the things the Trump administration had done; but I am not pleased with the
President’s demeanor in conversation. Although he can be friendly and amusing
at times, his concern for the people with whom he is supposedly conversing
leaves a lot to be desired. He interrupts their words, and he persists in
speaking in a very proud way about the wonderful things he has done. There is
no give and take in President Trumps conversation. He apparently learns nothing
from the ideas of his contact people. I would hate to work for him. His
conversation is all about him; nobody else seems to count.
All
that being said, I want to point out that trivial subjects in conversation are
often useful in order to establish rapport with the other person in a
conversation. However, whenever possible, trivia should be minimized, and the
conversation turned to more salient matters. A conversation should be guided
into subjects that cause one to remember the content.
My wish
for you is for you to have many happy and useful conversations! Seek
information; remember names; and, above all, LISTEN!
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